Aaron Naparstek

» Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Intermittent Explosive Disorder

Thanks to a new study, we now have a diagnosis for the angry, horn-blasting road rager who nearly killed you on the way to work this morning. He, along with millions of other Americans, suffer from a mental illness called "intermittent explosive disorder." That's right. I.E.D's aren't just for Baghdad anymore.

Expecting a major pharmaceutical company to come out with a new medication any day now, I am initiating a contest here on Nap.com. Come up with the best name of the drug that treats intermittent explosive disorder and you will win a free, signed copy of my book, Honku: The Zen Antidote to Road Rage. Post your drug names in the comments section. I am the contest judge and if you've got a problem with that, you can go $#**$%* yourself you $@@###@!!! Here are some starters:

Explosivex
Honkamin
Ragecid
Sociopathilin

12:47 PM | Link |

Comments

Angercillin

Posted by

Anonymous @ 6/06/2006 2:56 PM | Link

Sunimegar

That's "minus rage" backwards

Posted by

Anonymous @ 6/06/2006 3:26 PM | Link

Liking these.

Where do you put the accent on Sunimegar? I think it sounds most pharma if you put it here: su*NIM*e*gar

Posted by

Ar2thelow aka arlo @ 6/06/2006 6:02 PM | Link

Paxle (pronounced like Paxil). Combines Pax (peace) and a crucial part of a car (axle).

Posted by

Anonymous @ 6/07/2006 10:04 AM | Link

Aaron,

The Sunimegar is moi. Glad you liked. I actually have no idea where to put the accent. So put it where you choose.

Clarence

Posted by

Anonymous @ 6/07/2006 10:19 AM | Link

TRIPITOR: Your doctor may talk to you about adding TRIPITOR to lower homicidal rage during your daily commute. TRIPITOR is not for people with liver problems and those who don't rely on cars for every task of daily life.

RAMBIAN CR: A new controlled-release prescription medication that comes in two layers. The first layer dissolves quickly, to make you feel drowsy as you get behind the wheel, thus limiting your ability to aim your Ford Explorer at other cars, buildings, animals and humans. Then, the second layer dissolves slowly, to help you stay sleepy on your two-hour commute and avoid purposely driving your Hummer over the top of stalled cars as you use the emergency lane to pass slower traffic.

ACCELEREX: Just one ACCELEREX can provide 24-hour, all day and all night relief. ACCELEREX is approved to treat the urge to travel twice the posted speed limit, especially in school zones or on quiet residential streets. Most patients will also experience reduced balances on their Exxon credit card statements while taking ACCELEREX.

WREXIUM: The healing purple pill used for the treatment of agressive driving and resulting crashes due to IED. These symptoms typically occur on two or more days per week despite multiple traffic citations and terrified looks on the faces of cyclists and pedestrians.

REVACID is used for the treatment of dangerous use of motor vehicles to retaliate for imagined insults to one's manliness or perceived questions about one's sexuality. REVACID is generally well tolerated and has a low occurrence of side effects. Women should not take REVACID or handle REVACID tablets

Posted by

John @ 6/07/2006 10:35 AM | Link

Here are some:

Rageplex--a multiple rage addressor, paarticularly useful when striking out at all impediments in the way of your car's progress

Autodarone--a heart medicine to be used while driving similar to amiodarone, but specifically designed for automobile-induced infarctions

Motorilin--a drug designed specifically to reduce the frenetic brain signals induced while being stuck in traffic--a drug that will be increasing necessary in the coming years with the increase in massive traffic jams nationwide.

Realin- reduces involuntary nerve contractions when confronted with the reality of the massive difference between the commercial you saw of your $50K car driving in the desert, unencumbered, and your current reality--a useless hunk of steel burning gas in the middle of a blocked highway

While Motorilin and Realin treat the result of a similar impetus, the first is for those diagnosed as Type A who cannot sit still in traffic, and the second is for those undergoing a psychotic episode, two very different psychiatric profiles

Carpascin is designed to soothe most drivers who realize that their way of life as a commuter has taken away all their free time, leaving them with exactly 20 percent less time to do fun things like spend time with their families or have sex, and the infinite reality that they have also "driven away" more than 10 years of their lives. Especially designed for those who drive 2 hours a day or more (2 out of 14 hours = 14 % times 75 years life expectancy = 10 years). Increase dosage with commute time.

Posted by

Jen B @ 6/07/2006 10:51 AM | Link

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Posted by

Jen B @ 6/07/2006 10:51 AM | Link

S.O.M.A. - Short for: Slowing the Outrage of My Auto.

Killdozer Tonic (a Coca Cola product) - many of you may not remember this horrible movie "Killdozer" from 1974 when a bulldozer became posessed by an alien space creature and went on to kill construction workers stuck on an island alone. Look it up on IMDB and have a laugh. Anyway, this would be a drink like Gatorade or Power Ade that you sip in your car that has tiny amounts of Paxil to calm the rage. And hydrates!

Posted by

Anonymous @ 6/07/2006 11:10 AM | Link

How about Fuckitall, no wait, that's for some other disorder.

Posted by

Anonymous @ 6/08/2006 11:02 AM | Link

Decela

Posted by

Isaac @ 6/09/2006 8:14 AM | Link

OK, it's been a week since the contest started. Today is the last day for submissions. Winner will be chosen tomorrow!

Posted by

Ar2thelow aka arlo @ 6/13/2006 12:50 PM | Link

-Zlodafokdoun: A potent sedative that will slow you the fuck down.
Hey I'm just reading what it says on the box label!.

-Chillinex: A Cali-Mex herbal remedy that achieves basically the same result as above. You might experience a slight tendency to want to climb over fences and slip thru border crossings as a side effect tho.

-Awkrap: Not so much a drug as it is the way I felt when I realized the fucking contest is already over.

Posted by

Anonymous @ 7/11/2006 7:57 PM | Link

ragitol
trafizone

Posted by

Anonymous @ 5/14/2007 12:29 PM | Link

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